i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
