...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
