Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
