I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
