I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
