Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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