So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
