If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
