I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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