what day is it and did you see me today?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
