Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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