I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
