your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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