Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
