I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
