Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
