Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
