if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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