home. puking in laundry basket.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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