Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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