Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
