Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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