i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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