she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
