Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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