dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
