So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
