i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
