i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its not stalking. its research.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
