We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
