Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
