whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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