well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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