yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize