Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
