Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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