If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
