yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
