My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
