I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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