They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
