i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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