I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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