I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
