when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
