i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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