she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
