I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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