i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
