They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize