Your dad touched me again.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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