Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
