I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
