Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk is not a location!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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