i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize