'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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