i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
