3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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