I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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