he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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