I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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