It's like God shit irony all over that family
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
