Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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