i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
how does that bad decision feel?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
