My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
