mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
