I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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