Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
this hospital has no fireball
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
