My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
