I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
