so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
