just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
