He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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